Tag: a laugh

“Shit I Overheard at my Law Firm” Sentence Starters

the-self-proclaimed-prince:

  • “Just read this fucker and take it to court.”
  • “Tone down your depositions, A-hole.” 
  • “He may be a buffoon and a fool, but by God he was innocent.”
  • *grumble grumble* “Sexist bastards.” 
  • “I don’t want to come into work without teeth!”
  • “That asshole better stop fucking with my client or else I’m gonna…”
  • “There are only two pears left. I’m naming them Adam and Eve.”
  • “Organic seaweed? What the hell is organic seaweed?”
  • “You asking me fishing?… fuck YES I’m there!”
  • “When the weather gets hot, I just step out on my back porch and pour water over my head for an hour or two. Works every time.”
  • “He is an artist. Use of Comic Sans in legal documents is his creative outlet.”
  • “Throw some Wingdings on that shit.”
  • “What does a person have to do to get a fucking cob salad around here?” 
  • “I’m trying to decide if I should go insane and body-pump or go home and sleep.”
  • “You can’t just ring a bell, un-ring it, and then ring it again.”
  • “We lost. We lost big time. But it’s okay. I’m good. It’s cool. I’ve got whiskey. I’m good.”
  • *applying lipstick to go to the gym* “What kind of a crazy woman wears lipstick to the gym??”
  • “Are you going to shut up and FISH today?” 
  • “Do you know of any pet friendly cafes? I’m meeting an attorney tomorrow and he’ll have his non-service hunting dog along. Don’t ask why.”
  • “Publicly, I agree. Personally, I think it’s chickenshit.”
  • “Keto diet? Is that like for chemo? Ohmygod do you have cancer?!??”
  • “I don’t have a circle on mine. Where’s my circle?”
  • “Don’t judge my printouts. Paper is a renewable resource.”
  • “The stapler has been compromised.” 
  • “You know that one case? The one with the person from the company whose doing some crazy stuff?”
  • “I wasn’t fishing. I was lawyer-ing. Much less exciting.”
  • “For a priest, he’s kind of an asshole.”
  • “Brownies and bourbon? Sounds like my kinda party!”
  • “I got a bottle of whiskey calling my name so I may not be back here tomorrow morning or ever.”

yougottahaveseoul:

whoreshiip:

Someone spilled their dunkin donuts coffee in the school lobby so this kid got out his dunkin donuts uniform and started directing traffic around it saying things like “Ma’am watch out, this is a DUNKIN DONUTS MATTER”

when a security guard walked up to him to ask what he was doing the kid told him to stand back he was just doing his job


http://spaceacekaiju.tumblr.com/post/179973330543/audio_player_iframe/spaceacekaiju/tumblr_phus88HBtV1wv7b2c?audio_file=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tumblr.com%2Faudio_file%2Fspaceacekaiju%2F179973330543%2Ftumblr_phus88HBtV1wv7b2c

waiting4codot:

codotafterdark:

OP: @onegianthand
Original Comic

Because why not?

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