the biggest lie, i think, the internet perpetuates about D&D is that a skinny little twink of a bard just needs to roll a nat 20 to seduce a dragon
like a dragon…a creature with more wealth and power than any other creature on the planet…a creature who is easily an 11/10 when they deign to take humanoid form…would look at your skinny little 8 STR half-elf Bard whose own father doesn’t even love them and go…yeah I’d like to fuck that
Counterpoint, my good man:
Dragonsfuck
Dragons fuck, clearly, but not just any joe blow schmoe with a big Charisma stat. If I’m Joseph J Dragon sitting on a small hill of gold and jewels I’m not gonna waste my time boning every monsterfucking tiefling twink with a lyre. I would have standards.
Counter-counterpoint: dragons are SUPER horny
Counter-counter-counterpoint: even if dragons are SUPERhorny they’ve got better prospects than spindly little bards!!!! They could be off fucking cloud giants or beholders or planetars!!!! They could be having sex with kraken in the middle of the ocean or fire giants in the mouth of an erupting volcano!
There is a wealth of sexual excess and opportunity available to dragons; so much that they do not need to be slumming it with an adventurer who hasn’t washed his ass in a month and a half and is probably covered in kobold blood by the time they get to the dragon’s lair!
Seriously!!!
I don’t care how many times you cast Charm Monster, the Elder Dragon who has probably slept with more princesses than there are princedoms is not going to bite! When you have bedded the most beautiful mortals on the Prime Material Plane on a pile of gold and jewelry you are not gonna be looking twice at any MOTHERFUCKEr who can’t at least True Polymorph to make things interesting
triple-counterpoint:
you’re right but please shut up you are actively ruining my 10 strength half-elf twink bard’s sexual prospects with this post
OP is right and they should say it
Actually…
As we can see from this most excellent chart, dragons can and will fuck anything. Even humans do not compare. The only species that can match dragons for horny-ness is, in fact, nymphs.
Therefore your twinky-ass lil bard has as good a chance as anyone. Go forth and thot your way through your DM’s carefully planned Big Bad encounter and
💡 Contrary to popular belief, Harvey doesn’t need to flip on every decision he makes – for the most part, he and Harv see eye-to-eye.
💡 The Joker once took Harvey’s coin as a prank. Harvey sent seven orderlies and the Joker himself to the infirmary before Edward could find it to give it back. It’s the only piece of contraband that’s allowed in Arkham (It’s not like the comics, where everyone seemed to still be in possession of some piece of their costume).
💡 Harvey adores Musical Theatre, and at one point was determined to make it in that business. Since being attacked by Pamela Isley in court however, Harvey can no longer sing. While Harv isn’t a huge fan of musicals, he “lets Harvey have it” out of guilt for his arrival being at the expense of Harvey’s singing voice.
💡 Many believe that since becoming Two-Face, Harvey Dent has lost his wit and charm. This is a falsehood, as Harvey is still considered to be one of Gotham City’s greatest lawyers. He even managed to force a court recess by bringing the audience to tears from laughter at his own trial. Harvey has considerably more control over Harv than people think, but it’s when he’s alone with Harv at night that he suffers for “benching” him.
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